


Me Vs. The World

by LinaBenliven



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Galaxy Garrison, Garrison days, Gen, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron)-centric, One Shot, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post-Kerberos Mission, Pre-Relationship, Why Keith Got Expelled, pre-sheith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-29 22:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14482791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaBenliven/pseuds/LinaBenliven
Summary: Keith didn't always understand how the Galaxy Garrison functioned. He knew what their mission was; it was to train cadets that would eventually go into space and further mankind's exploration of the universe.But what he didn't understand was why they kept the progress of the Kerberos mission so secretive, or why they would lie about that mission. Or why they would tell him devastating news right before his simulation test.





	Me Vs. The World

 

_Pilot Error._

_Pilot Error._

_Pilot Error._

The words kept ringing through Keith’s head as he sat down in one of the chairs in Iverson’s office. There was a pilot error? There couldn’t have been a pilot error. Shiro wouldn’t have done anything to damage the ship and besides he couldn’t have crashed the ship. _They had landed on Kerberos._ Shiro and Matt had managed to send an encrypted message that told him as much and Commander Holt had sent a report to Iverson saying that they had collected their first ice sample. Keith didn’t understand why Iverson was lying to him.

_It didn’t make sense._

“We’re sorry Cadet Zhujin, we know you and Cadet Shirogane were close.” The raven-haired male can’t even find the energy to get annoyed that Iverson doesn’t pronounce his last name properly. There’s no emotion in Iverson’s voice. There’s no indication that Iverson actually cares. This is just another formality for the Galaxy Garrison.

He wonders idly if Iverson would drag Katie and Mrs Holt in to have this talk. To tell them in the same uncaring tone that Matt and Commander Holt were dead. That Shiro had killed them. That it was Shiro’s fault that none of them were coming home again.

_No._

Commander Holt was an esteemed member of the faculty despite his belief in extra-terrestrials. The other faculty members laughed at him but they all respected him. Katie and Mrs Holt would get a home visit. They would get a lot more than Keith was getting. Katie would get time to grieve before having to do her entrance exam, Keith would be expected to go and do his final simulation flight of the semester after this.

“Cadet Zhujin, are you okay?” The words stop Keith’s thoughts in their tracks. He looks round disorientated, tired eyes settling on his knuckles that were gripping the chair so hard that they had started to turn white. He can see the faint scars dusting them from the self-defence class they had had to take and he lets out a sigh as he stands.

_Was he okay?_

“I’m fine Commander.” _No I’m not._

“Well, your simulation exam is the last of the day. I suggest you go get some rest and something to eat before then.” The raven-haired male says nothing as he salutes his Commander before turning and leaving the room.

Keith barely makes it into the bathroom before he throws up.

***

“Cadet Zhujin. It’s your turn.” Keith barely registers his name being said. He was too focused on the thoughts racing through his head and the taste of bile that had lingered in his mouth ever since. “ _Cadet Zhujin._ ” The voice is sterner this time but Keith pays it no mind. The thought of crashing his own simulation overtaking his brain.

_Pilot Error. Pilot Error. Pilot Error._

“Cadet de la Fuente please get Cadet Zhujin’s attention for me.” That the raven-haired does hear and when he looks up from where he had been staring in his lap he doesn’t register where he is. It doesn’t look familiar. No one looks familiar to him. So, when the dark-skinned brunette goes to touch his shoulder Keith flinches away so violently that he stands up. He hears the whispers. He hears the other people talking behind him and around him, their voices swirling around his head as his breathing hitches.

It takes him a few seconds of looking around in a blind panic to realise that he was outside the simulation room in the Galaxy Garrison, and while his breathing steadies, his heartbeat does not. It continues to pound, loud enough that Keith is certain he can hear it in his ears. He’s certain that everyone in the room can hear it. They had to be able to hear it from the sympathetic looks he gets as he turns back to Commander Ryu. He still couldn’t place any of the cadet’s names so instead he focuses on the Commander that he had had for the past year, hoping that that would help calm him back down.

“Cadet Zhujin, it’s time for your simulator exam.” She didn’t look impressed with him but she didn’t yell at him. Instead she gently puts her arm around Keith’s shoulder and leads him into the room. She had ignored the flinch and instead kept her arm firmly planted on the young male’s shoulder. He didn’t like it but it kept him grounded, so he was begrudgingly accepting it as the other cadet’s whispers died down behind him.

Once in the simulator he can feel his breathing start to hitch again. How many times had Shiro helped him get extra practice in the simulator when Keith had started to panic that he would fail his exams? That he would lose his scholarship and his place at the Garrison. Shiro had helped him so damn much and to think that he was now gone was breaking Keith’s heart. He can feel the bile rising in his stomach as he starts to panic and he swallows it quickly.

_He would not puke in the simulator._

“Commander Ryu, why are other cadets watching?” His voice was a lot quieter than he had been expecting and it makes him shift awkwardly. He knew that the spectators couldn’t see until the simulation started but he still didn’t want Commander Ryu knowing that asking that question was making him nervous.

“Because their first simulator exams are next month and we have allowed them to watch all fighter class exams, we did inform you of this cadet.” They had informed Keith. They had sent letters to the dorms that morning. Keith had just forgotten after being told about the Kerberos failure.

“I know… I just must have forgotten.” He mumbles as he looks at the floor.

“Keith…” His eyes flick up to the elder woman as she uses his first name and he bites his lip. Her voice seems sincere and concerned and he straightens up a little to focus on her. “We know that Cadet Shirogane’s death is a great blow to you but he would still want you to do your best. Your simulation will not start until you’re strapped in the pilot’s chair. Good luck.” He hears the clack of her shoes as she walks away and he takes another deep breath.

He knew she was right. Shiro would want him to do the best he could regardless of the circumstances. But Keith didn’t want to do his best. He wanted Shiro back. He wanted to be able to see the elder male again, to tell him everything that he hadn’t told him. He wished he had told him at the Kerberos mission that he loved him. He wished he hadn’t been a coward and kept it hidden deep inside him. Keith had too many regrets for Shiro to just be gone.

_It wasn’t fair._

Sighing, the raven-haired male turned back to the pilot seat and slumped down in front of the familiar controls. Controls that Shiro himself had no doubt touched several times over the years he had been a Cadet here. Controls that were worn in places and when Keith touches them he can feel the residual warmth from the Cadet before him. He takes a shaky breath before adjusting the seat to be closer and then straps himself in. The screen glows as the simulation countdown begins and the raven-haired male feels his heart sink at the mission debrief that flashes across the screen.

_Kerberos Rescue._

He turns and vomits, never once loosening his grips on the controls. He could do this. He could do this and get angry later.

***

Keith honestly didn’t know how well his simulation had gone. His world was still spinning at the fact he had done a mission about rescuing Shiro and his crew. The fact he hadn’t crashed. The fact that he had thrown up at the mere word _Kerberos_. Part of him didn’t want to know how his simulation had gone. He just wanted to ignore it and stay sat in the simulator until he could feel his legs again. Until he was certain that he wouldn’t throw up again. However, Commander Ryu seems to have another plan as she walks into the simulator with a glass of water.

“Cadet Zhujin, are you okay?” She asks as she walks around to his side, her hand outstretched to offer the small Cadet the drink. Keith doesn’t hesitate to take it, immediately drinking as much of the water as he could without stopping to breathe. Turned out, that it was most of it.

“Whose idea was it to give me a Kerberos simulation?” He says as he passes her back the glass. He didn’t care about his own wellbeing at the minute. He needed to know who in their right mind would authorise this simulation after the news he had received this morning.

“Commander Iverson personally approved your classes simulations, why?”

“You don’t think there’s something wrong with that?” Keith mutters as he unstraps the seatbelt, immediately finding it a bit easier to breathe without the restriction. He looks at the elder woman and scans her face, hoping to find some indication that she cared. That she wasn’t as heartless as Iverson.

_He doesn’t find anything._

“No, we believe that you have the proper motivation to tackle this simulation accurately, where we wrong Cadet?” Keith nearly snorts at that. He had thrown up, nearly had a panic attack and they believed that he could handle this simulation? Where they insane?

“No… just you don’t think that the day I heard about the news of my friend dying in that mission is a bad day to do this?”

“Cadet Zhujin, you flew a perfect simulation, just like Commander Iverson said you would.” He can hear it in her voice. The tone that everyone spoke to him in. The tone that made him remember why he was here. He was here on a scholarship because he was a good pilot. And every time someone spoke to him in that wide-eyed, amazed tone because of his simulation records he was instantly reminded that all that mattered to the Galaxy Garrison was that he was a good pilot.

“Where is he?” The raven-haired male almost snaps it. He feels bad for doing so, but he doesn’t want to linger on his perfect simulation record. That wasn’t important right now. He wanted to know what Iverson was thinking when he had approved it.

“His office.” The instant the words have fallen from his Commander’s lips, Keith is out of the seat and walking as fast as he could. He dodges the looks of the other cadets as he emerges from the simulator and immediately avoids talking to Cadet de la Fuente. He needed to go do something more important than chat to these Cadets.

It barely takes Keith anytime to get to Iverson’s office once he’s navigated the halls and the looks of pity. He knocks on the door hard and isn’t surprised when Iverson opens it with a less than kind expression.

“Cadet Zhujin, come in.” He waits for the superior officer to move back into his office before following him in. He had no idea what he intended to do. He was already on thin ice with Iverson and knew that doing anything now could result in an expulsion but he found himself not caring about that. All he could focus on was the fact that Iverson had deemed it a good idea to give him the Kerberos rescue mission as a simulation. A simulation that would determine his final grade nonetheless.

“Why did you do it?” His voice is little above a whisper and he can feel his legs shaking. He didn’t trust himself not to explode at the commander and he digs his nails into his palms.

“Excuse me?”

“Why did you give me the Kerberos rescue mission?! Why would you make me do that hours after telling me that they had crashed?!” He’s aware that his voice cracked. He’s aware that he’s showing a lot of emotion and that Iverson probably has an issue with his tone of voice, but if he does; the commander doesn’t show it. In fact, he almost looks sympathetic.

“To see if a rescue mission could be piloted.” Keith isn’t entirely sure why that starts a fire within his stomach. He isn’t sure why hearing that they wanted to test the possibility of a rescue mission makes him want to punch Iverson. He would love for there to be a rescue mission that could be piloted. He wanted to see Shiro, Matt and Commander Holt come home safe. He wanted that more than anything.

_Punching Iverson didn’t make sense._

And yet Keith punched him anyway.

After that, things moved very quickly. Iverson was taken to the medical wing to check that Keith hadn’t shattered his eye socket, something the young cadet was aware he had done. He had heard the crack of the bone breaking, although he did suppose that could have been his own knuckles. And as he listened to Commander Ryu explain down the phone to his dad that he was expelled and needed to be picked up; he sighed.

It wasn’t like he wanted to stay at the Galaxy Garrison. It didn’t seem worth staying at an institution that were so willing to lie about pilot failures and test out the possibility of a rescue out on a cadet. It didn’t feel like the institution that he had originally enrolled in and it hadn’t felt that way since the Kerberos mission had launched. Keith would be relieved to go home. He could work with his dad to help find the source of that energy if he hadn’t found it already. Maybe they’d be able to find a way to help Shiro.


End file.
